Lima I love you. Lima
I hate you. I can’t help but feel
conflicted in this city of contrast, inequity, and change. How do I understand you? How do I become part of you?
There are approximately 9 million ways to be part of Lima. So how do I become a true limeña? Well we’ll start with being mirafloreña…it
takes a surprising combination of grit and class. Who better to personify this city than some
of its most charming protagonistas?
To be a verdadera mirafloreña you have to:
1)
Put your make up on during your morning combi
ride. Better yet, curl your eyelashes
with a spoon.
2)
Call the bodega for wine delivery.
3)
Rock heels on the most slippery sidewalks in the
world.
4)
Put taxi drivers in their place.
5)
Charm your cobrador into the best prices with a
single glance.
6)
Unabashedly throw elbows when waiting in line
for the combi.
7)
Enjoy Bembos, and Inka Cola. Or at least pretend to. Be outraged every time a restaurant doesn’t
have Inka Cola.
8)
Prepare un arroz chaufa buenasso.
9)
Secretly prefer huevona to flaca.
10)
Use chaufa organically. Like you don’t even care.
11)
Shame middle-aged men out of their seats on the
combi.
12)
Avanzar allll fondo…fuck no.
13)
Avoid eye
contact as you keep your asiento reservado.
14)
Pack you own groceries, somehow you end up with
five bags for two items
15)
Set the breakfast table with at least 16 plates,
and then serve coffee with a saucer.
16)
Be horrified every time someone hasn’t tried
ceviche.
17)
Cross streets with reckless abandon...you wanna
run me down, I don’t think so.
18)
Take a combi tres cuadras…and then complain
about how far it is to get to Wong.
19)
Your dietary staples are: pancito, hot dog, ice
cream, and platano.
20)
Un luca y china to get to la Católica...olvidate.
21)
Curse out a piropo.
22)
Make sure to tell your American host daughter
that “they’re going rob you” every time she looks especially nice.
23)
Know more English than Quechua or Aymara or
Tupi.
24)
Be able to argue about what is better Pardos or
Norkys.
25)
Be able to hold an in depth conversation about
why Bembos is better than all the other fast food chains...focusing on patty
consistency.
26)
Wear a see-thru shirt, and or pants, and or both...no
big deal. Do I look like I care?
27)
Tremor, what tremor? I lived through the Pisco
earthquake of 2007.
28)
Leave if there is no aji.
29)
Buy all you clothes in la quinta or polvos azules…Nikes, sí son Nikes autenticos.
30)
You can’t make out with your boy friend in your
parents house, but the public park...why not?
31) Holes in my jeans, no problem I'll wear tights too.
31) Holes in my jeans, no problem I'll wear tights too.
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